Don’t Just Hear, Listen – Strategically
By Steve Johnson
In 1992, Wesley Snipes’ character Sidney Deane is talking to Woody Harrelson’s Billy Hoyle while driving down a California highway. Billy pops in a tape, and the two are surrounded by the majesty of Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze.”
Deane questions Hoyle’s ownership of the tape, arguing Hendrix was a Black artist making music for Black people – and that White people just don’t get it.
“Look man, you can listen to Jimi but you can’t hear him!” Deane exclaims. “There’s a difference. Just because you’re listening to him doesn’t mean you’re hearing him.”
This makes for an interesting case because, in most professional circles, the word “listening” carries the more profound connotation. Strictly speaking (and pardon the Webster’s cliché), hearing is first defined as “the process, function, or power of perceiving sound; specifically: the special sense by which noises and tones are received as stimuli.” Listening, on the other hand, means “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention; and to give consideration.”
Hearing is the practical, and listening is strategic. And as with most things strategic, there's more than one way to listen. But really listening, can lead back to really hearing – which also gets defined as an intransitive verb: “to understand what someone is saying to you.” So while there may be some definition mix-ups in Deane’s statement, it is the understanding, the opening for another to be heard, that is the critical argument.
It requires, strategic, discriminative listening – looking past the words you hear to look to body language, tone changes, and volume to determine what the speaker really thinks and feels. As a communicator (and we are ALL communicators!), you should be aware of different types of strategic listening available for any situation. Here are some primary listening strategies:
Appreciative listening – Appreciative listening is exactly what the name implies — listening to enjoy the story, music or information you hear. The American Society for Training and Development recommends that, to truly embark in appreciative listening, you should avoid engaging in other communications and focus solely on the sounds or words. So, when someone is speaking to you, put your phone down!
Critical listening – Critical listening involves hearing what someone says, identifying key points and/or arguments, and solidifying your opinion. Think of a sales engagement, or your team is discussion new strategies, or how you feel when you listen to a motivational speaker. When you engage in critical listening, you’re analyzing what speakers are saying and determining their agenda.
Relationship listening – Relationship listening is one of the most important skills to have when engaging with others. Relationship listening also is known as “therapeutic” or “empathetic” listening. This is useful when helping a friend through a problem, solve a conflict between co-workers, or prompting people to open up through support and honesty.
Active Listening – This includes using signals to show you’re listening, repeating what you’ve heard, asking questions, and providing feedback.
Prepare to listen by walking in with an open mindset. Respect the intellectual capital of everyone, and assume positive intent. Think about the 80/20 rule (I’ll attribute it to Bernard Ferrari) – a listening-heavy ratio.
So much of my counsel focuses on the “what” and “how” of communicating content out. As a strategic listener, be aware of critical content coming in. Try to discern messages, attempts at establishing common ground, and strategic storytelling. Pay attention to non-verbal cues (the “YOU” factor) – visual and vocal tools and micro-signals.
In the end, by not only hearing, but by listening…the person communicating to you just might be heard. Although I still don’t exactly understand what “excuse me while I kiss the sky” really means.